Steph Auteri

Spill It: How Do You Handle Rejection as a Writer?

1

Dec

I learned early on that — when it came to freelance writing — it was important to bounce back quickly from rejection, keep up the momentum, and flip that pitch.

Because of that early lesson, I’ve never felt too much anxiety when pressing “send” on my query letters and, upon receiving rejections, I’ve typically only felt the barest twinge of disappointment before turning to the next publication on my pitch list. After all, rejection is a reality of the freelance writing life, and not everyone is going to fall all over themselves to publish my work. In fact, despite my being a total genius (obvs), I’m pretty sure at least some of my ideas have been pretty weak.

So my mental reaction when I received my first-ever rejections from my first-ever literary agent queries sort of caught me by surprise.

I spent two hours sending out my first four query letters on the Monday before Thanksgiving. By that point, I had already imagined my book as a done deal. I’d envisioned the book party / speed networking event that would take place at my favorite local cafe. I’d mentally run through the readings that would take place at Babeland and Happy Ending and KGB Bar. I’d considered the other things I would do to promote my book. The local library I’d do a Q&A at. The excerpt I’d send along to Real Simple. The blog tour I’d singlehandedly mastermind (and which my publicist would love me for).

This is all very embarrassing to admit.Â But I figured that imagining my book as a done deal would help it become a reality… would in fact help it manifest, Ã la The Secret.

One of the agents I emailed (my first choice, actually) responded within 15 minutes. He wanted to see my full proposal.Â I nearly had a heart attack, but I forced myself to chill the eff out and then sent along what I had, feeling cautiously hopeful. Somehow, I managed to make it through the week (including Thanksgiving) without going completely crazy from anticipation.

The following Monday, I received his rejection and, later that day, another one.

They were lovely rejections.Â They included words like “talented” and “engaging.” I felt that familiar twinge of disappointment, but I still felt hopeful. Their letters had been rejections, but they had also been personal, complimentary, and constructive. I filed their critiques in the back of Â my mind for use in future revisions, and set about waiting for responses from the other agents.

I spent the next three days being completely unproductive. I wasn’t sure why. It finally occurred to me that I was depressed. What the what!?Â But then I realized what was bothering me. Those two rejections had forced me to consider the difficult possibility that my book might not happen.

Noooooooooo!

I gave up on work and retreated to the sweet, sweet comfort of my pillow-top mattress, plus five layers of blankets and cats. I tried not to think about the readings and book parties that would never happen. I slept for two hours. I allowed myself to mourn.

This morning, I found myself eating Cheetos at 8:30 a.m. and decided it was time to snap the hell out of it. I started putting together the December edition of Word Nerd News. I started writing this blog post. I looked at my agent spreadsheet and made plans for sending out my next wave of query letters. I brainstormed my next steps for drumming up new work.

Clients often ask about my success rate with query letters and LOIs.Â I tell them my success rate is much better than it was when I started. Which makes sense. After all, my portfolio is stronger these days, my network is larger, and my writing has only improved.Â But I also tell them that rejection is still a reality of the freelance writing life, and that it always will be.Â One can’t succeed without accepting that, and working through it.

After all, rejection is not the same as failure.

How do you react to rejection? Do you, too, have weird daydreams about your unpublished book? And have you ever sunk so low as to eat Cheetos at 8:30 a.m.? Spill it.

Filed Under: book proposal, literary agent, rejection, spill it, writing

Donâ€™t Forget To Thank Your Writing Partner

24

Nov

By Steph Auteri

Earlier this week, I sent query letters out to four literary agents. This was a big step for me. I’d been dreaming of becoming a published author since the age of 5 and, since then, I’d done absolutely nothing to make it happen. Now I have a book proposal — polished and ready to go — and four query letters out the door.

In fact, within 15 minutes, one of the agents responded to me, asking to see my full proposal. I thought I was going to pass out from excitement, but I pulled it together long enough to send him what I had. He responded almost immediately, saying he would try to get back to me either way by the end of the week.

This very well might mean I’m about to get the quickest rejection ever (well, okay… not ever) but, nevertheless, I’m ecstatic. I’m closer than I’ve ever been to making this happen.

And I never would have done it if I wasn’t being held accountable by my writing partner.

What my writing partner did for me:

helped me choose one big project to focus on
helped me set regular writing, querying, and business goals
helped me set deadlines for the above goals
read my weekly status reports, cheering me on when I was extra productive
threatened my life when I slacked (or just generally emanated an aura of disapproval)
marked up everything I sent her with edit marks and insightful comments and questions
scheduled regular Skype chats with me to discuss those suggested edits (and to talk work gossip, sex, infertility, and Chicken McNuggets)
held me accountable
kept me on track
made my book a possibility, rather than an elusive dream

The day after I sent out those queries, we had another Skype chat. At the end, we discussed what our next writing goals would be. I was feeling distracted by the thought of those book queries. How could I concentrate on anything else!? But I attempted to pull my weight.Â ”I still need to make revisions to that Freelance Awesome Starter Kit,” I said, “but I should really concentrate on developing magazine queries and drumming up new work.”

“Well, can’t you do both?”

Yes. Yes I could.

Lyz Lenz is a so-funny-she’ll-make-you-snort writer who blogs over at LyzLenz.com. She also writes for Babble, TruTV, NewParent, and other publications. We met when I was permalancing at YourTango. She manages the community there (among her many other responsibilities). She lives far, far away (Iowa), but she is my platonic life partner. I’m lucky to have her as my writing partner as well.

And since it’s Thanksgiving and all, I want to thank her. I want to thank her for forcing me to accomplish this despite myself.

Writing partners are one of the best things in the world. They’re up there with Candy Cane Kisses and cats and yoga andÂ So You Think You Can Dance. They’re up there with episodes of Castle and The Sing-Off, and with pillow-top mattresses and coffee. If you need a reminder of why you should get one yourself… well, here.

Have you thanked your writing partner this Thanksgiving?

Filed Under: community, gratitude, thanks, thanksgiving, writing, writing partner

How Choosing the More Difficult Path Leads to Awesomeness (and a Cuter Butt)

18

Nov

By Steph Auteri

The other day, I was the only student to show up for lunchtime yoga. “You have three options,” my instructor told me. “A. We can do a restorative yoga class. B. I can kick your ass with a really intense class. C. We can blow this joint and go out for drinks.”

I stood there, waffling between all three. An hour of restorative yoga would pretty much be an easy-peasy, introspective afternoon nap. Going out for drinks would be fun. And I’d been wanting to pick my instructor’s brain about his experiences within the teacher training program.

In the end, though, I chose option B. I felt I needed it, especially after my rough day at the lab, trying unsuccessfully to get blood drawn so I could take the next step in trying to get pregnant. That and I’d been feeling a little fat. So we got down on our mats and we sweated it out.

I was so happy with my choice. My instructor read aloud a great passage from Life Is a Verb, and then we worked our way through a full vinyasa practice. Because I was the only student there, my instructor was able to give me adjustments on every pose, pushing me harder and deepening my practice. We also worked on inversions I had been struggling with. And I still got my chance to grill him about teacher training. When I left the studio, I was feeling simultaneously relaxed and revitalized. I was ready to make the tough choices on my to-do list next.

I feel as if freelancers crave the tougher path.

Yeah, yeah. I roll out of bed at 8:30, at which point I only have to commute from my bedroom to my dining room. I don’t have to wear a bra — or pants — if I don’t want to. I get to hang out with my cats all day. My schedule is flexible enough to allow for a shit-ton of yoga classes throughout the week. I’m my own boss.

But I’m also the toughest, most critical boss I know. I can’t count on regular income. I’ve had to force myself to diversify — with ghostwriting, editing, coaching, funeral singing, etc. — to more easily pay the bills. I’ve had to fight my introversion and social anxiety in order to build my network. I’ve also had to learn self-discipline and self-motivation, and take on the roles of marketer, accountant, administrator, and more.

And every day, I’ve had to consciously choose to sit down at the computer and fill the blank screen, instead of watching the latest What Not To Wear marathon or baking apple crumble and lemon pound cake.

That’s a hard decision to make, yo.

And I know you make the same choices, too. It’s scary to leave a seemingly stable job and a regular paycheck in order to make it on your own. It’s scary to put yourself out there. It’s scary to ask for what you’re worth and to stand firm with problem clients and to try new things. It’s definitely far from easy.

And it can be tough to make the tough choices from day to day.

But it’s worth it. Because of the pantslessness and the bralessness and the kitty cat slumber parties, yes, but also because it challenges us. It pushes us to be more… to be better. Making the tough choices ensures that we continue growing, both as people and in our career.

It’s tough to remember the benefits sometimes.

But right now, my booty and my thighs are still sore from Tuesday’s private class and — man oh man — if I keep it up, my mood will keep improving, and I’ll look hotter in skinny jeans.

And for the same reason, I’ll skip the Netflix this afternoon and work on those projects I have on my plate.

What tough decisions do you have to make today?

Filed Under: career path, decision, option, path, writing

Selling Your First Book: A Checklist of Book Proposal Essentials

16

Nov

By Steph Auteri

I’ve been a woman on a mission lately. In between assigned blog posts and essays, coaching calls, and yoga classes, I’ve been slowly pulling together a book proposal with the aim of sending it out to a handful of agents by the end of November.

So why would I take time away from everything else in order to focus on another large project… one that may very well come to nothing?

1. I love adding new things to the mix.

2. After ghostwriting and collaborating on ebooks for other clients, I really want to have something of my own out there. Heck, I’ve dreamed of being an author since the age of 5.

Luckily, I’ve worked in book publishing before, where one of my responsibilities was weeding through book proposals and sending them around for review. So I know a thing or two about what goes into a proposal. I also picked up some additional tips from this nifty book I read, and from Susan Shapiro, who regularly runs book publishing panels.

But maybe you’ve never seen a book proposal before. Maybe your book is still just a germ of an idea in your head, and you’re completely clueless about where to start. For all the book publishing newbies out there, here’s the book proposal checklist I use with clients, and which I also used to put my own proposal together:

Compelling Title and Subtitle. Most publishers brainstorm new title options for every book they buy. But it’s still a good idea to name your book from the outset. If it’s compelling or clever enough, it will entice an agent or publisher into reading more. It can also help them envision your book as a finished product.

Book Description.Â This is exactly what it sounds like. Any book proposal should include a brief description of your book. And don’t half-ass this. Aside from your initial query letter and book title, this will be the first thing an agent/publisher sees. If you don’t grab an agent’s attention from the very beginning, they may never continue on past the first paragraph, let alone the first page.

About You.Â As in your typical magazine query letter, this is the part of the proposal where you drive homeÂ why you’re the best person to write this book. This paragraph may include info on your writing background, any unique experiences or connections you have, the lowdown on your very special area of expertise, links to previously published clips, details on your already-existing platform, etc.

Manuscript Details. Don’t make an agent or publisher work too hard to imagine your book as a finished product. Give a projected word count. Mention which publishing categories it might fall under in your local bookstore. Give an idea of how long it will take you to complete a first draft of the manuscript.

Target Audience. More than anything else, a publisher needs to know if they’ll be able to sell your book. Because of this, they’ll want to know if there’s a large enough audience out there for the book you’re proposing. Write about the people who will be dying to purchase your book, and perhaps include aÂ secondary audience as well. Let the agent/publisher know what benefits the reader will derive from your book. This is the type of information they’ll later be able to use within their marketing copy. And while the publisher will want to see proof of an audience for your book, make sure you’re not attempting to sell to everyone. When you try to make everyone happy with your work, you end up writing for no one.

Competitive Analysis. You’ll really need to do your homework here. This is the section of your proposal where you mention the existence of other, similar books on the market… and then explain what sets your book apart from them. This does two things: It shows the publisher that there is an existing market for the type of book your proposing… and then it presents your book’s unique selling proposition (or why a reader would still want to buy your book even after they’ve already read competing books). While you should make an effort in pulling together this section, don’t go overboard. If you list too many books, an agent/publisher will then worry that the market isÂ over-saturated. I aim for five.

Annotated TOC. This is where you lay out the contents of your book. It’s a chapter outline that includes a one-paragraph description of each chapter.

Marketing/Publicity Ideas.Â We live in an age where the book publisher can’t afford to do it all. Because of this, you have to show agents/publishers that you have a strong platform, and that you can leverage your platform to promote your book both before and after it’s published. In addition to mentioning your blog/vlog/podcast/social media presence, this section should include suggestions for media outlets (newspapers, magazines, blogs, TV, radio) that may want to review your book or conduct an interview with you, reading series you could conceivably participate in, other outlets where you could do readings or other types of events, details of the blog tour you will be more than willing to organize yourself, articles you’re willing to write, alternative sales channels, etc.

Optional Extras. If you’re up to going the extra mile in order to gran an agent/publisher’s attention, consider including a list of potential endorsers for your book, a mock cover design, a mock press release, or anything else that will help others see your book as something with sales potential.

Book Excerpt. Wait! You’re not out of the woods yet. In addition to all of this information you so painstakingly pulled together, an agent/publisher will want to see some proof that you can actually execute what you’ve promised. Fiction writers typically have to submit a full manuscript along with their book proposal, why nonfiction writers can get away with an intro and first chapter.

Brief Cover Letter. But before you even send any of this out, most agents prefer to receive a brief query letter first, inviting them to check out / request your proposal. Agent preferences vary, so be sure to do due diligence before sending things out.

Anyone here working on their own book project?

Filed Under: book, book proposal, writing

Reason To Write: To Let It All Out

14

Nov

By Steph Auteri

I walked across the parking lot to my car, the folder from the fertility center tucked under my arm, the scrip for blood work inside. I was giddy, because it was beautiful, sunny and 61 on a mid-November day. I was pleased with myself, because I was Getting Shit Done. Within five minutes, I was pulling into the lot behind the commercial building that housed the lab and, after another 10 minutes in the waiting room, I was ushered into the back and set up in a chair.

My confidence wavered as I watched the lab tech collect the vials she would need for my blood. 11 of them in all. In the past, most medical professionals had struggled when faced with the task of finding a good vein on me, and I’d often teetered on the edge of blacking out. With 11 vials to fill, it seemed inevitable that I would at some point begin losing consciousness.

She tied a band around my left arm. Asked me to make a fist. Tapped my skin.

She untied the band.

She repeated these steps on my right arm. She tapped a finger against her lips.

She looked back at her screen. And then at me. “You pregnant?”

I swallowed. I had been trying to practice santosha, contentment with the things I already had. I had been trying to tell myself I would end up a mother somehow. “No,” I said, taking great care to muffle the bite in that one word. “I’m trying to figure out why I can’t get pregnant.” She nodded and turned back to the screen. She sighed.

She called another tech over.

This other woman was cranky. She complained about her work with the other lab tech. How overworked she felt. How fried. It made me nervous. I tried to concentrate on my breathing as she retied the band around my left arm.

When she slipped the needle into my arm, it didn’t hurt, and I silently cheered. But she kept snapping at me to stop tensing up, telling me I was making it harder for all of them. I hadn’t even realized I was tensing up and had, in fact, been practicing the breathing meditation I’d learned in yoga in order to calm myself down. I began to feel angry with her. This wasn’t my fault.

It reminded me of the time I was in the hospital 11 years ago, admitted with a mystery virus, unable to keep down food or water. The nurse back then struggled to get an IV into me, trying about 10 times in each arm. I worked hard to keep it together, but I was in pain. “Are you going to cry?” the nurse taunted me. “Why haven’t you had any liquids?” I carried the bruises up and down my arms for months afterward.

Back in the here and now, the only thing shattering my calm was this insensitive lab tech. After she gave up on the first vein with a huff, I suggested she try my hand, though I knew it would hurt. Previous techs had experienced success there.

But the blood flow was slow here, too, and I couldn’t stop wincing.

The lab tech berated me some more, at which point I began to feel lightheaded. She pulled the second needle out, taped a second scrap of gauze to my hand, andÂ left me with a small paper cup of water. I felt silly and ashamed for causing so much trouble.

The original tech came back.Â I asked her if she’d collected enough for any of the tests. “No,” she admitted. As she went back to exploring my right arm, I suddenly felt overwhelmed.

How was I going to get pregnant if I couldn’t even get some simple tests done?

I felt a pressure behind my eyeballs, a lump in my throat.

“I’d like to go home now,” I said.

I couldn’t cry when I returned to my car, even though I wanted to. Instead, I lay back against my seat and stared at the sky. It was springtime blue, a contrast to the rust-brown leaves that shivered on the trees. It was beautiful.

I drove home. I had a piece due that day on how to solve five common couples’ arguments. I had another due the next day on why exercise was good for your sex life. I had promised my writing partner a revision on my freelance writing workbook, and I owed a coaching client a resource packet.

But all I could think about was that day’s failure.

Instead of crawling into bed and giving up on the day, I wrote about it. Because that’s what I do. And in writing it out, I find I can move past it.

At least temporarily.

So while this isn’t a how-to post on the freelance life, it is one reason for me to write.

Why do you write? If you’d like to blog about it for Freelancedom, let me know!

Filed Under: reason to write

Your Online Platform: A Checklist of Website Essentials

8

Nov

By Steph Auteri

I'm in love with my website. Is that conceited?

Earlier this year, I blogged aboutÂ whether or not an editor would judge you if you didn’t have some sort of online platform. (Short answer: Yes.)

Since then, several clients have asked me for help in overhauling their own professional sites.

Which can be difficult. A website is a very personal thing. There’s no one right way to do it. It’s up to you to surf the web and bookmark examples of websites you like, making notes on what works and what doesn’t, and drawing up wish lists of your must-have features.

It’s also up to you to figure out what message you’re trying to convey (unless, of course, you hire a branding consultant).

What I can do is provide freelancers with a handy checklist of the basics they should include on their professional site.

1. A landing page. This is your storefront, the first thing that web surfers, assigning editors, and hiring managers see. Because of this, you need to convey instantly what you’re all about, letting the viewer know that he or she is in the right place. How do you do this? With your header. With your content. And sometimes even with your color scheme (color and pattern can be a great way to convey personality). If you’re not sure what, exactly, you’re looking to convey, ask yourself:

Who am I targeting with this website?
What action am I hoping they’ll take?
What do I have to offer?
What emotion am I trying to convey?
What is my life purpose, and how can I present it in an easy, bite-sized, elevator speech-type way?

2. Your contact info. And please, make it obvious. A web user shouldn’t have to conduct an exhaustive search in order to email you. What if they want to give you money for something?? Don’t make them beg.Â Place the info in the sidebar and, for good measure, have a separate “contact me” page with a contact form. And for something extra impressive, you can register for a Gmail address that features your personal domain name right here (and sometimes through your hosting service).

3. Social media buttons. I’m going to assume you’re active on Twitter. Or LinkedIn. Or something. Because it’s in your best interest to engage in social media in some way. Right? Right. So make it easy for people to find you on those other sites, too. Place social media buttons in your sidebar, perhaps close to your contact info, and throw that info onto your contact page as well.

4. A bio. Your landing page will give viewers a basic idea of what you’re all about. An “about me” page will go deeper. Include a personal bio. A company mission statement. An origin story. People like to buy from people. Help them get to know you.

5. A mailing list opt-in form. It’s always a good idea to cultivate a mailing list, even if you don’t plan on using it right away. In the future, it can act as a publicity tool. A sales tool. A way to survey your readers. A way to disseminate breaking news. That mailing list is power.Â (You can sign up for mine over in the right-hand sidebar Mailing list and e-newsletter services like MailChimp, AWeber, and Constant Contact make popping a sign-up form onto your website easy.

6. A list of your services. Let’s return to that question you asked yourself above: What action do you want viewers to take? Do you want clients for your copywriting services? Ghostwriting collaborators? Speaking engagements? No matter how you choose to do it, make sure it’s clear to viewers what they can hire you for.

7. Some sort of portfolio. It’s not enough to tell people what you do. They’re going to want to know if you’re any good. They’re going to want to know if you’re experienced. They’re going to want to know why they should hire you. Portfolios come in all shapes and sizes, but what’s most important is that you showcase your best work, and that you focus on the work that most closely reflects the work you want to be doing more of.

8. An intuitive navigation. As mentioned above, you shouldn’t make people work to give you their money. Make sure you have a clear and simple navigation that immediately makes sense to those surfing your site, and that it repeats on every single page. Viewers should be able to easily get to whatever the hell page they want to, from whatever the hell page they’re on.

9. A blog (optional). This one’s optional, but I’m going to include it on this list because I think it’s a good idea. Why? A blog gives people a reason to (regularly) revisit your site. It establishes you as an expert in whichever topic you choose to blog about. It acts as a standalone portfolio, highlighting your writing ability. It shows editors you can write for the web. And if you’re worried about the time commitment, know that frequency doesn’t matter. Being regular does.

This is a bare bones checklist. What other web-related questions do you have?

Filed Under: checklist, marketing, professional, website

How To Harness the Power of NaNoWriMoâ€¦ All Year Long

4

Nov

By Steph Auteri

We’re just a few days in to NaNoWriMo, and the tweets and motivational blog posts are already flying fast and furious. Not that I’m participating, mind you. I’m not a novelist, and all of my attempts at “fiction” back in college were thinly-veiled, totally emo personal essays (as were everyone else’s). But I can’t help feeling envious that fiction writers have a month like this, during which they can go all in on that large project they’ve been daydreaming about for eons, a built-in support network (and hard-core accountability) just an email or dedicated forum away.

Of course, I get my motivation and accountability elsewhere. My writing partner, Lyz Lenz, sends me threatening emails every week.

But what about the rest of you? Where can you go to ensure that your writing goals are met, thanks to a mix of motivation, camaraderie, and abject fear?

1. For those of you who have trouble updating your blog on a regular basis (shut up; I was doing very, very important things… okay, I was tweeting and surfing Etsy), there’s NaBloPoMo, or National Blog Posting Month (also in November). You can check out the BlogHer site for writing prompts and badges and then dive on in, secure in the knowledge that, at least for one month, you were on top of things.

2. If your November is just too damn busy (with Christmas shopping), there’s always Michelle Rafter’s WordCount Blogathon, in May. Check out Michelle’s Blogathon page for all the ways in which participating can help you build your biz.

3. And of course, those are just two of the more well-known ones. You can search for blog carnivals within your specific niche at this handy-dandy online directory.

4. If you’ve got your blogging covered, however, and would rather concentrate on content you can create for actual money, I highly recommend Freelance Success‘s twice-a-year Query Challenge. For the brief period of time in which I was a member of this professional writer’s group, I found the Challenge to be its most beneficial resource. Participants were split into teams and pitted against each other, earning points through queries and LOIs, and through the assignments that resulted from them. Team members had to report their points once a week, and team rankings were sent out in the weekly e-newsletter. There’s nothing like some healthy competition (and the fear of letting your teammates down) to make you sweat.

5. Then there are those sites and applications that target your writing productivity, and that can be used year-round. 750 Words is one such resource. It’s a site on which users aim to write at least 750 words a day and, for their troubles, receive points for their progress, and stats about what they’ve written (such as their most productive times of day, their quickest entries, their most common topics, and their most frequently used words).

6. Finally, if extreme terror is the most effective form of motivation for you, there’s always Write or Die. I’m afraid to use it, but rumor has it that, if you don’t reach your writing goals for the day, this application send you a threatening email, announces your failure to the entire Twitterverse, erases your hard drive, and makes your coffee pot malfunction.

Just kidding.

Write or Die tracks your writing and, if you pause for too long, you either a) receive a gentle reminder pop-up, telling you to stop being such a goddamn slacker (gentle mode), b) are subjected to an “unpleasant sound” that only ceases if you continue writing (normal mode), or c) are forced to watch your writing unwrite itself (kamikaze mode). Note: I am afraid to use this app.

7. Of course, you could always use mini goals, rewards, self-imposed deadlines, and good, old-fashioned self-discipline, but where’s the fun in that?

Any of you guys have an app or non-technical trick that keeps you at your keyboard?

Filed Under: accountability, application, blog carnival, blogathon, motivation, nablopomo, nanorwrimo, productivity, query challenge, Resources, write or die, writing

Didnâ€™t Get It Done? Thatâ€™s Your Own Damn Fault

1

Nov

By Steph Auteri

Things that distract me:

- my cats
- an opened bag of Candy Cane Kisses
- music that is particularly peppy
- the knowledge that there is an unwatched episode of The Sing-Off on my DVR
- the dust I just noticed on the far edge of my desk
- a sink full of dishes
- Etsy
- my sudden obsession with yoga bolsters, brightly colored jeans, or illusion necklaces
- Twitter
- etc.

This past weekend — at a time when I was supposed to be working on the first chapter of my book so that I could get it to my writing partner by Monday — we lost power (along with hundreds of thousands of others on the east coast, thanks to a freak October blizzard). Okay, fine, I thought to myself. I’ll give myself a pass. My laptop will die in under two hours anyway.

Then, on Sunday night, the power came back on.

By Monday morning, however, Internet had still not been restored. “Ooh!” I said to my husband. “I’ll take this opportunity to write that chapter without any distractions!”

I then proceeded to spend the next few hours watching Project Runway,Â playing Spider Solitaire, and checking email on my phone.

Here’s the thing: Even without the typical distractions, we will create them. Because sitting down and starting something is hard.

So don’t complain about all the distractions at home. Don’t say you couldn’t get your book done or your business started up because of this or that or oh my god my cat needs snuggles!

Sit your ass down and let it flow.

It won’t flow all at once. It won’t come easy. But if you work hard at clearing out the cobwebs and pushing past the crap, it will come eventually.

Need help? Here are some tips and resources I’ve blogged about in the past:

Also, here are some fantastic apps for eliminating the number one distraction in your life: the Internet.

What’s worked for you when it comes to sitting your butt in the chair and forging on, despite distractions?

Filed Under: distracted, distraction, motivation, productivity

Why Itâ€™s Totally Cool If My Kids Skip College

20

Oct

By Steph Auteri

I have a B.A. in Writing, Literature, and Publishing from Emerson College, despite myself.

I mean, there was never a question I would go to college. After all, it never occurred to me that any other path was available.

But I started out studying journalism at the College of New Jersey. I became disenchanted and discouraged by my choice of major. I fell into a depression after both the death of my grandmother and the end of an abusive relationship. I dropped out of college with the certainty that I didn’t need it to be a writer.

Which was true, but I wasn’t sure how to go about making money. I ended up in a crappy retail job, at which I lasted for two months. Is this all I’m capable of without a degree? I asked myself, horrified. It wasn’t, but I didn’t know that. I ended up at Emerson.

After graduating, I was lucky enough to get a job within two months (though not in my field). I was miserable there, and felt relief when I was laid off after six months. A year later, I had my feet planted firmly within the publishing industry. Finally. I was content… for awhile. But I soon realized I had no interest in working my way up the corporate ladder. I wanted to create. I wanted to be my own boss.

And so I made my circuitous way to the here and now, where I’m a happy, and pretty well-balanced, business owner. I’m lucky enough to be one of the few people out there who has ended up making money in the field they studied in college. But I could have gotten here quicker. I could have gotten here without incurring debt. I just didn’t know.

Last weekend, I toted my copy of Michael Ellsberg’s The Education of Millionaires to my yoga/cooking retreat up in VT, where I devoured it during the free time I had between yoga and cooking classes. As I read, I found myself giving a silent hells yeah as Ellsberg gave voice to something I had always felt when it comes to academia.

“Despite sixteen years or more of schooling,” he writes, “most of what you’ll need to learn to be successful you’ll have to learn on your own, outside of school, whether you go to college or not.” He goes on to describe a scene that’s decidedly familiar these days:

“We now live in an age when it is likely that the person pouring you your coffee at the cafe in the morning has spent four years studying literature, or even business and marketing, in a degree-granting institution. That person is likely to be carrying tens of thousands of dollars in student debt, and more in credit card debt accrued in college, for the privilege of having studied to pour you your coffee with such literary and business acumen.”

I thought of my time on unemployment. A full year. I thought of how humiliated I had been to stoop to temp work, handing out food samples at donut shops and supermarkets. I thought of how my life might have been different if I’d aimed for entrepreneurship rather than employment. But the possibility had never occurred to me. That only came later.

Ellsberg goes on to advocate self-education over academia — a pursuit I’ve come to advocate heavily in the past five or so years –providing readers with a resource-heavy curriculum in the areas of networking, marketing, sales, and entrepreneurship. At the end, he describes the “education bubble,” exploring further why a single-minded reliance on academia may cause the bubble to eventually burst.

At the end, I’m both inspired and introspective. I feel validated. I think to myself: College and the corporate ladder aren’t the only options. and my future children will know that, and will be supported in whichever path they choose.

I enjoyed my time at Emerson. I developed as a person, and met people there who are still incredibly important to me.

But did college hold me back? Would I be even more successful now if I’d gotten an earlier start on the entrepreneurial path?

I’ve learned more in the past five years than I ever learned in the previous 26. This much is true.

What will you tell your children?

Filed Under: book review, career path, education, entrepreneurship, michael ellsberg, the education of millionaires

Youâ€™re Doing Great. You Should Give Thanks and Chill the Eff Out.

18

Oct

By Steph Auteri

In case you forgot, I was at a retreat this past weekend (neener neener). It was glorious, I didn’t have phone or Internet access, and I even found maple cotton candy while I was up there.

But I’m not here to gloat. (Or am I? J/K. Or not.)

I wanted to share something with you.

At the beginning of the retreat, we had a welcome ceremony, during which yoga instructor Erica Mather passed around a talking stick and asked each of us to answer a few questions. Among them: What are you hoping to gain from this retreat?

When it was my turn to speak, the talking stick shook in my hands. My eyes teared up. What was I looking for? I had been feeling a lot of anger and frustration lately, both from the continued lack of interest in our condo, and in my continued failure to get pregnant. I told the group before me that I was looking for calm.

At the end of the retreat — five yoga classes, five cooking classes, two hot tub sessions, a greenhouse field trip, a journaling session, and a s’mored up, drunken bonfire later — we passed around the talking stick again. What do you feel gratitude for? Erica asked us. What have you learned?

By that point, it was clear I’d received something much better than simple calm. I’m grateful that I was able to experience something like this, I told the group. I learned that I have a lot to be grateful for… so I should just chill out.

A year ago, I wouldn’t have been able to take this trip. At the time,Â I was working a permalance gig, at which I was overworked and underpaid.Â I had also completed a career coaching certification program, but was failing to bring in clients, despite several contests on my blog, an e-course experiment, and a successful Word Nerd Networking event. I struggled to pay the bills, and was consumed by the thought that I was probably failing.

Now? I’m only two months away from eradicating the last of my credit card debt. The other month, I was able to splurge on a yoga studio membership. And this month? I was able to go on a mothereffing yoga/cooking retreat.

It’s just… wild.

It’s not Thanksgiving yet, but I don’t think it’s too early to give thanks for the circumstances that have brought me to this place:

I’m grateful my parents believed in me enough to lend me the money for my career coaching certification program. At long last, their investment appears to be paying off.
I’m grateful to my husband for spending many, many hours making my website pretty, setting up an e-course platform, giving me e-commerce capabilities, and more.
I’m grateful to the writing opportunities that have come my way as a result of the work I’ve done, and the people I’ve met.
I’m grateful to have learned my worth, learned how to negotiate… and learned how to walk away.
I’m grateful I was finally able to muster up the courage to cut that permalance safety net loose and, as a result, begin earning the money I deserve.
I’m grateful to the people I’ve met not only through work, but also through Twitter, Brazen Careerist, the YEC, and this blog. I love how we support each other.
I’m grateful for being able to find gratitude in the midst of the anger that has overwhelmed me lately.

I haven’t reached my full potential yet. Obviously. But I have a lot to be grateful for, and I need to remember that. I need to remember how lucky I am.

Have you been feeling angry lately? Frustrated. Anxious or scared or jealous or desperate? Your feelings aren’t invalid by any means, but ask yourself: What do you feel gratitude for?

Filed Under: gratitude, motivation